i always forget guys have bellybuttons
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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