i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
