So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
