My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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