honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
