some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Houston, we have a squirter
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
