we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
