what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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