i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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