I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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