being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
