I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
