yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
