You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
