I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
