This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
