There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
