You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
