I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and she was petting her beer can
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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