I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
