How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
