And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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