Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize