Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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