and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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