I want to have your abortion
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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