he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
