I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
