whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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