you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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