I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
