What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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