I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
