I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My ass is underappreciated
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.