Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude