Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize