She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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