he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are