I hate all girls vehemently.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
