I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
