I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
