Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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