gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
