so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
