You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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