or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The power of my boobs compel you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
