we have officially lost it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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