By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
