There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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