I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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