Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I checked into jail on foursquare
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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