Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
