took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
