You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
