ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
