make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
