I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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