He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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