this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
