I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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