guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
