Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
