im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
