I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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