One girl and one boy is just not enough.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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