I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
