WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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