i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
