why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
