He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
