Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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