so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
