Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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