So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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