I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
