Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
