he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
did i walk over a car last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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