i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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