The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
