I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
