Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
